I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
