so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
