Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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