wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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