this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
