im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
