everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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