omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
