you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
