I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
