I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
