The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
