Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
