she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just invented taco cereal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
