I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
