Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
