NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
