I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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