so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize