I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
