you guys were way drunker than both of me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
