I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
