There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
