dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
