mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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