I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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