I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
