Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
