She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
