My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You made out with two different species that night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
