I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
