She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
