I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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