nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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