hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
