If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
