very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
