I wish I could teleport
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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