What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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