Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
