I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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