literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
