I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
