Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
