haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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