We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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