I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
