Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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