Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im part way to drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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