Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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