i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
