just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
