Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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