im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
