I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
